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Of swollen eyelids and vanity

July 12, 2011

As I said earlier, this time I’m thinking of going off tangent on my writing principle. I feel like writing about the recent street march/protest. I do feel rather strongly about it and I’m sure to take sides. However, I’m not going to do it. I’ve read so much about it, I don’t feel I can contribute to the plethora of views already expressed on the subject matter. Well, it’s kind of difficult to be diplomatic in commenting about this issue. So I’m just going to stay away.

Now I have swollen eyelid. On my right eye. Which is not a good thing. Actually I had symptoms of it last week. Went to the clinic and it got better. For some reason it decided to come back. Really bad. I have medication to relieve the swelling, antibiotics and eye drops, supposedly to kill the germs currently building a city in my eyelid. Must be quite a sizeable city as the swelling is quite bad.

I learned one thing about myself during this ordeal and I’m not proud of it. It appears that I am a vain person. Not that I was not a vain person before, but the manifestation of the feeling takes a whole dimension when I suffer an ailment which affects the way I look. I have always believed in looking my best. Most of the time at least. But now all that is ruined due to this condition that I have. I know it will go away really soon, but that’s just how human beings are isn’t it? For example every time I get a sore throat, without fail I’ll think of the feeling I have when I do not have a sore throat. But when I am doing fine, I never appreciate the way being fine feels. As humans, we never appreciate something/someone until they’re gone. Not so bad in the case of a clear throat. It’s just about time. It clears up after a few days. What about if it’s a person? Almost always when you don’t appreciate someone, chances of you getting him/her back is pretty slim if he/she decides to leave. So heads up guys. Start appreciating people who are close to you (if you have not done so).

The vain me feels ever so conscious about my appearance. You feel that people are always looking at where it’s swollen. They may or they may not. But the feeling of inadequacy is always there. I have to get rid of it, somehow. You see, every night (so far) after taking my medication I go to sleep with high hopes that the next day when I wake up, the swelling will be gone. When I wake up, it’s there, bigger than ever. As the day progresses, it subsides. Which is great. After taking my medication, I retire with the same hope. The next day the vicious cycle repeats itself. So tonight, I pray hard that tomorrow it’ll go away for good.

Things like this throw you off your game somewhat. I can strongly feel it. Well I guess it’s all about the whole consciousness about it again. They say if you don’t let it bother you, it won’t. Something about mind over matter. I’m rather sheepish about the whole thing, but I’m not a hypocrite either. So I’m just going to say that I’m bothered about it and may not get to function normally until this condition goes away. Which I hope is soon.


From → Happenings, Rants

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