Of emotions and children

I am an emotional person. I don’t think there’s any shame in admitting that. Yousee, I genuinely believe all of us are emotional creatures. Some keep their emotions in check or are really good at masking it. And the thing is I’m not really good at that. If I’m happy, I’ll be singing along and pretty much have a perpetual smile on my face. If I’m upset, it’ll inevitably show. And if I’m sad, I could even cry. Even at this age. I think there’s no shame in crying, if it relieves you of your troubles, basically letting it out of your system. Sometimes you feel strongly about something and your emotions take over.

People let out their emotions in a variety of ways. Some just keep stoned quiet. Some meet friends and generally have a good time. Some, like me, take their bikes out and ride very fast. Whatever floats your boat, as they say. As long as you feel better. At times, in life, you meet people who convince you that their hearts are made of stone. I’ve met a few. Nothing rattles them. You can even hit them with sob stories, mothers separated from their children, father-daughter relationships, people who live in a shack (usually stuff from Bersamamu, the one shown on TV3) and they wouldn’t flinch. Sometimes you wonder what would make them show some emotion. For people like this, amongst the emotional response shown would usually be anger. They don’t seem to be contented or satisfied with anything. And they’ve got to lighten up.

As for me, I just cannot stand watching movies of father-daughter relationships. This may sound corny, but one of the movies which could really move me was “Kuch Kuch Hota Hai” (the Hindi movie with Shah Rukh Khan in the lead role called Rahul).  In this particular fare Rahul’s daughter tries to fix him up with his old college mate after his wife passed away. All this was done after reading her deceased mother’s letters which were read to her on every birthday. If I’m not mistaken, there was this scene where Rahul and his daughter was grieving after the wife passed away. That one really got to me. You see, I have 2 daughters (and a baby boy). So it is pretty much understandable that I’m easily touched by stories of father-daughter relationships.

The thing with daughters is they always know how to tug at your heartstrings in all the nice and unbelievably right ways. Tonight I spoke to my eldest daughter, Nureen Sabrina. She is rather fed up with having to lug her heavy schoolbag day after day. So she asked me to buy her a new bag (the one with the wheels). As usual, every night, my daughters will call me in JB to have a chat and say goodnight. So tonight I told Nureen I’ll get her the bag this weekend when I return home. She then said,”Kalau abah (that’s me) takde duit dulu takpelah ya. Tunggu abah dapat gaji dulu baru beli beg untuk Nureen OK”. And she’s just 11 years old. They say girls mature early, but what she said was just the sweetest thing isn’t it? The fact that she’s sensitive  about these things really melted me. And that alone is enough motivation for me to continue to work really hard for her.

Nureen Sabrina Albakri

Nureen Sabrina Albakri

And then there’s Farah Batrisyia, my second daughter. She’s 3 this year. She’s a bit of a motormouth actually. Really expresses herself well. And like most kids nowadays, she’ll surprise you with the things she says. I guess having many grownups around her develops her vocabulary and self belief. Which I think is a splendid thing. The other day, she asked me,”Abah sayang dik?” (we call her “Adik” despite having Harith Haiqal, our baby boy). And follows it up with,”Dik sayang abah”. Damn, that made my eyes well with tears and made me feel all gooey inside. Well, its all mushy stuff. But when you only get to see your kids on weekends, you’ve just got to understand why I feel the way I do.

Farah Batrisyia Albakri

Farah Batrisyia Albakri

Farah Batrisyia Albakri

Last but not least, my baby boy, Harith Haiqal Albakri. A boy at last! Somebody I could pass my biking legacy to. When you’re a father and you have a son, the possibilities are endless. You see yourself doing guy things with him. Teach him how to ride, drive go-karts and generally go crazy. I do hope he grows up to be a lot better than me. I’d like to think I’m not doing too bad myself, but if he manages to top that, it’ll be a big bonus. And Manchester United will get a brand new fan!

Harith Haiqal Albakri

All in all, I am thankful for my kids. One entry is nowhere enough to write about them. They brighten up your day in ways that you never thought possible. With them, all my emotions are laid bare. I’ve shed many, many tears for them (mostly happy tears). I hope as parents, Murni and myself would be able to raise them in the best way possible. I always say that if I manage to raise my children half as good as how Abah and Mak raised me, I would consider myself a success. Let’s hope I do.